I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
