So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
