were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Randomize
