I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
