well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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