i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
