1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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