i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
