Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
