DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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