Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
