You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
