I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
