When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize