The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
