Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I supernannyed him into submission
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
