You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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