I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
