On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
