Umm I'm too high to move.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
