loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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