How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
