I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
