My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
third nipple confirmed
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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