Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
