dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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