Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
