He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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