guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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