Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
