All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
