So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
