Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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