you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
