Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
