Actions speak louder than pants.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
