I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
