I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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