I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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