Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
