you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
