Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
