Me too!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
