Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
