My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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