Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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