I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
