Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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