First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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