We're facebook friends in real life
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
