separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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