the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
