I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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