Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
