Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
