you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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