I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
