He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
