So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize