At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
