i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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