so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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