There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
