I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
