I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dick very happy bro
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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