I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
