I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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