I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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