bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
