so explain again why im purple
no
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
