Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
