she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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