highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this just has baby written all over it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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