What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
