nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
