No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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